Dept. Of Bad Ideas

That’s right, the Miss America pageant will soon have several new competitions including a quiz section. Here are some of the questions I’d like to propose for the pageant:

• Summarize Hobbes Leviathan in fifty words or less.
• Translate the phrase "Brooke Shields is a vapid waste of skin" into Hindi, Latin, Esperonto, and Sumerian. You have sixty seconds.
• How would you bring about world peace? Please be prepared to illustrate specific policy objectives. Extra credit will be given to those who bring pie charts.
• What is the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swollow?
• How would temperature variations at the Planck time create large-scale structure in the universe? What are the problems with that theory?
• Perform a tracheotomy on the host of the program.
• There is a thermonuclear device hidden somewhere in the building. Here is a Geiger counter. Find the device and disarm it before it goes off. No you don’t get a wire clipper, that’s what your fingernails are for.
• One of our contestants used to be a man. Try to guess which one, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
• There are three bugs in this copy of the Linux kernel. Find them in three minutes or less.
• So, are those real?