Dept. Of Bad Ideas

That’s right, the Miss America pageant will soon have several new competitions including a quiz section. Here are some of the questions I’d like to propose for the pageant:

  • Summarize Hobbes Leviathan in fifty words or less.
  • Translate the phrase "Brooke Shields is a vapid waste of skin" into Hindi, Latin, Esperonto, and Sumerian. You have sixty seconds.
  • How would you bring about world peace? Please be prepared to illustrate specific policy objectives. Extra credit will be given to those who bring pie charts.
  • What is the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swollow?
  • How would temperature variations at the Planck time create large-scale structure in the universe? What are the problems with that theory?
  • Perform a tracheotomy on the host of the program.
  • There is a thermonuclear device hidden somewhere in the building. Here is a Geiger counter. Find the device and disarm it before it goes off. No you don’t get a wire clipper, that’s what your fingernails are for.
  • One of our contestants used to be a man. Try to guess which one, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
  • There are three bugs in this copy of the Linux kernel. Find them in three minutes or less.
  • So, are those real?