Secret Documents Exonerate Kerry

This secret document that vindicates Kerry’s claims of spending Christmas Eve in Cambodia has recently been unearthed in a secret CIA archive next to the box containing the Ark of the Covenant and to the right of the frozen alien bodies recovered from Roswell. A transcript follows:

UNIDENTIFIED MALE #1: We’ve just recieved intelligence that the Viet Cong is setting up a secret death ray laser just outside the Cambodian border. We need to get a special operative in there immediately to destroy this weapon.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE #2: We’ll inflitrate via small craft across a lightly guarded section of border or do a HALO jump from the Vietnam side of the border. We’ll need a small, stealthy craft to avoid detection.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE #1: Negative on that. We’ll use a 50-foot long aluminum craft that can be heard for miles and requires deep water to navigate.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE #2: Are you out of your mind!

UNIDENTIFIED MALE #1: We’ll also have that boat be manned by some schlub from Boston who hasn’t even been in country a year and has a history of being a reckless, arrogant f*ckup.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE #2: What the hell are you talking about? Why in God’s name would we do that? Do you want to screw this mission up?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE #1: Yes, and we’ll have the secret operative give his hat to the skipper of the boat as a memento. It’s not like he’d need it in a jungle crawling with the enemy when he’s on an illegal mission.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE #2: Seriously, this is bullsh*t.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE #1: No, it’s perfect. It’s like plausible deniability or something. Only a halfwit would believe that we’d do something so patently stupid. Even better yet, we’ll make sure that the swift boat skipper puts a fraudulent entry in his own journal and tell him to keep changing his story so he sounds like a complete loon with no credibility. It’s perfect.

More as the story develops…

One thought on “Secret Documents Exonerate Kerry

  1. That’s great, Jay. Scrappleface should pick it up.

    Let’s face it…Kerry is one sick bastard, and we need to do everything possible to keep this sicko out of the White House.

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