Alexander The Terrible

John Podhoretz has a scathing review of Oliver Stone’s Alexander:

tone’s Alexander, which opens today, isn’t just bad. It’s Springtime for Hitler bad. I haven’t guffawed this hard since I saw Airplane for the first time 24 years ago. This is one of the colossal catastrophes of all time. At a screening on Monday night, during the death scene of Alexander’s lover Hephaiston, people were screaming with laughter as Alexander made a big speech while, behind him in soft focus, Hephaiston went into a conniption fit and croaked. Plus, Angelina Jolie plays Alexander’s mother like she was Natasha from the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons. It’s almost worth seeing, but don’t, because if you’re like me and want to see Oliver Stone utterly destroyed for his artistic and political crimes, you will make sure not to contribute to the box-office coffers of what is sure to go down in the annals of moviedom as Heaven’s Gate with rampaging evil elephants (no, I’m not kidding).

Somehow, the movie seems to have been horribly miscast from the beginning. Colin Farrell just doesn’t strike me as the type to play Alexander the Great unless you’re assuming that Alexander the Great was a bottle-blonde Dublin soccer hooligan. Angelina Jolie makes a great sex kitten, but playing a conniving mom seems like a less than wise choice in casting. Not even a herd of evil rampaging elephants can save a movie that miscast.

Of course, Oliver Stone is already blaming it on those evil Bible-thumpers, as he made Alexander bisexual, giving him a convenient scapegoat for what seems to be an inevitable failure. From the reviews if I’ve seen (none of them positive), it looks like this one will be a DVD rental at best — and only if it’s on sale.

One thought on “Alexander The Terrible

  1. Based on the excerpts I’ve seen on TV, the script sounds like it was written by a 13 year old who was merely cribbing scenes – but not dialogue – from Gladiator and Braveheart.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.