The International Astronomical Union has officially said that Pluto is no longer a planet, meaning our solar system is down to eight planets. Which means that elementary school students get a slightly easier time in their science courses (except for Kansas, where the planets are considered to be tricks made by Satan to deceive children into atheism).
Instead, Pluto is being called a “dwarf planet” which will definitely cause the other planets to make fun of it at the next solar-system barbecue. Rumor has it that Pluto has already ordered several million metric tons of diet supplements in the hopes of bulking up before the next IAU meeting.
New to the “dwarf planets” category is Pluto, the asteroid Ceres, the Kuiper-belt objects Quoar, Sedna, and “Xena”, and Andrew Sullivan’s sense of indignant self-righteousness.
Ever since I knew there was a Kuiper Belt at all, I knew Pluto wasn’t really a planet, but rather the first KBO (Kuiper Belt Object) to be discovered. I commend you for a post with a high GPW (gag per word) ratio.
There’s no stinking way Xena’s going to keep that name.