EXCLUSIVE: Padilla’s Al-Qaeda Cover Letter Found

Along with Jose Padilla’s “application form” for joining al-Qaeda, US forces have recently recovered Padilla’s cover letter for joining the terrorist organization in a cache of documents near Tora Bora, Afghanistan. The full text of the letter is below:

Abu Abdallah al-Mujahir
1200 East Death to Israel St., Cave #17
Waziristan, Pakistan

July 24, 2000

Abu al-Manajir
Secret Cave Hideout
Tora Bora, Afghanistan

Dear Mr. Al-Manajir,

I am applying for the position of Dirty Bomber Specialist Trainee after seeing your advertisement in “Jihadi Weekly.”

Your terrorist organization is of interest to me due to its involvement in plotting against the evil Zionists and malevolent Crusaders who have destroyed Muslim lands and brought pain and suffering to the people. I also heard that al-Qaeda has an excellent health plan. I am excited to work in the field of mass murder and radiological weapons.

As an American citizen, I can easily pass through the Great Satan’s security systems. I speak fluent English and Spanish, and can blend in with the infidels while plotting their destruction. My work experience with the Zionist entity Taco Bell in 1993 taught me much about food-borne illnesses and working with hazardous materials. I am also familiar with Microsoft Office.

I would appreciate an interview with al-Qaeda, although understandably I won’t be opening any mail sent from you. I am available at any time in the next few weeks and can start plotting for jihad immediately.

Death to the infidel!

Abu Abdallah al-Mujahir

(Yes, I’ve been writing far too many of these this week…)

2 thoughts on “EXCLUSIVE: Padilla’s Al-Qaeda Cover Letter Found

  1. Yeah, even law students still have to write the darned things — although some firms don’t seem to be requiring them. Given how many letters a lawyer has to send out in their career, I suppose I should get used to writing them…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.