Impeach Bush

It is clear that the war in Iraq is an absolute failure, the economy is in shambles, millions of people are unemployed, and Michael Moore and other prominent progressive activists have been taken away by Chimpy McHitlerBurton’s evil fascist police state and sent to forced labor camps where they are made to smash Dixie Chicks albums 18 hours per day. As Commander Chimpy has virtually suspended habeas corpus, held thousands without trial, and also personally killed the Lindbergh Baby, this conservative has had enough.

Sen. Feingold is wrong. We must not just censure the Commander-In-Chimp, we need to impeach him. Not only that, but he must be publicly de-pantsed and spanked on the National Mall. It is the only way to restore honor and dignity to the country.

Bush lied, people died. We can’t have another war for oil. It’s time to take the theocratic Halliburton warmongering fascist wingnuts out of Washington. We must shut down Fox News and all other propaganda outlets to protect freedom of speech. We must pull out of Iraq, Afghanistan, and Iowa. It is time to create a Department of Peace with Dennis Kucinich as the Minister of Peace and put Rumsfeld on trial for crimes against humanity. It is the only way.

We must create a more progressive society in which everyone, including men, has the inalienable right to abortion. Gay marriage must not only be legalized – it must be mandatory. We should also legalize pot, but make smoking illegal within 1 AU of a school, hospital, or cow. Meat is murder, and eggs are rape. Milk is sexual harrassment. Caviar is OK, because that’s sort of like a fishy abortion.

We must support free speech, which is why any derogatory images of Muhammad must be banned. We need to be more tolerant of others. Women have the right to be forced to remain in the home without a male escort if they so choose. It’s just a different cultural perspective – so long as you’re not white, who are we to judge if you get your jollies on executing harlots in a public stadium?

It’s time we cut back on pollution by commuting in a more eco-friendly way. Horses don’t produce greenhouse gasses unless they’ve been eating Taco Bell, which should be banned anyway for making people fat. Yes, having the streets full of horseshit may be unpleasant at first, but once the rampant cholera thins out our numbers a bit it won’t be so bad. It’s all about saving the environment, you know. We should treat Mother Earth with respect – after all, we don’t really own the land, we just borrow it from our children. On second thought, I don’t have children, so keep your little brats’ grubby hands off my land.

It’s time for a fairer tax structure. A top marginal tax rate of 100% will dramatically increase government revenue. At least for the first year. But fortunately, there are always rich people to soak if you look hard enough.

Our social problems can’t be fixed through racist terms like “responsibility” and “hard work.” Only the state can cure poverty.

But none of this can happen if we don’t fix the reason why Iraq is a mess, we have 30% unemployment in the worst economy since Diocletion, and gangs of Bible-thumpers roam the street stoning women to death for not being pregnant and in the kitchen. That means impeaching Bushitler the warmonger. It’s time to start now – let us all rise up against the plutocrats and fight the power!